What Works for Them

Seeing as how our skin's lately been ... the word we want here is the dictionary definition of "sallow." And sallow it shall remain for approximately the next six months, when the sun finally returns to warm the earth once more. Thus, we have been more than a little obsessed lately with all things skincare: Could this product, for only $199, truly brighten our skin by 150%? And what instrument, praytell, measures the luminosity of the skin? A light meter? Tss. Instead of believing one line of their bullshit, we decided to stop people with nice skin on the street and ask them their skincare routines. This actually turned out to be much less scary \\ humiliating than we thought it would be, chiefly because it turns out that people like hearing nice things about their skin. So from a woman named Nicole M., who you will have to trust has really excellent skin because although she would talk to us, she was a little camera-shy.

CLEANSER: "I know it's so cheesy that they do the QVC deal but I love my Philosophy products, especially Purity. It's so gentle that it never stings when I get it in my eyes." Philosophy's Purity Made Simple, $20 for 8 oz.


TONER: "I would only say that you have to be really careful traveling with this, because the flip top's really flimsy and every time I fly I open my bags and find little rosewater puddles everywhere. And it's $12.50 down the drain." (Actually $13.) Kiehl's Rosewater Freshener-Toner, $13


MOISTURIZER: "I really do like Kiehl's, and this keeps my skin moisturized without breaking out." And may we add, we are sort of soothed by their scientific mumbo-jumbo, sort of an adult's version of a nursery rhyme: "Found aside the Mediterranean Sea, this unusual flower is known to boost cell renewal for a supple skin effect. Our rejuvenating preparation, made with Padina Pavonica, derived from the protective coating of sea algae, improves elasticity and resilience. This hydrating formula, combined with Vitamin C Glucoside, helps skin reveal its natural radiance." Though on second thought, what the fuck could that possibly mean? Kiehl's Cryste Marine Firming Cream, $45


LINE PREVENTER: "I got talked into buying this at Macy's and now I'm terrified that if I stop using it I'll turn into Cruella de Vil or something." Prescriptives Super Line Preventer, $47.50


"SKIN BRIGHTENER": "I really don't know what it does but it's supposed to work wonders." Seriously, people, we'll buy whatever falls off the donkey cart, won't we? Er, we're sure this particular product does, indeed, perform miracles. Sigh. In any case, skin brighteners make us think of that scene from Nip / Tuck where Matt's psycho Nazi girlfriend smeared industrial-strength spooge all over her and got all those chemical burns. This was on the cover of last month's Elle UK magazine, by the way, as their best-ever buy or something. But bleck packaging, no? Olay Complete Care Multi-Radiance Daily Illuminating UV Fluid, $14.99