eBay Search of the Week: Sienna

Oh, eBay. It's like some sort of Jetsons device, where you type in the name of the girl you want to dress like and all these options pop up. Or, in this case of searching for "Sienna," all these naff gypsy skirts and international-coin belts (in "Genuine leather and REAL international coins," in case you expected, say, vinyl, and fake international coins, or possibly out-of-circulation coins, or what we have no idea). Oh, Sienna Miller. Seriously, what do you do when you walk out the door and you see people who've been mean to you wearing cowboy boots and gypsy skirts and big leather bags?

And now, the best "Sienna" searches on eBay:

SIENNA FAVES CHLOE BEADED RAINDROPS BRACELET BAG
Currently: $636.35
We love Chloe so much — this dress in particular. At first, we thought this bracelet bag was just okay — but since it's one of Sienna's faves, it must be pretty awesome! We're so stupid; Sienna's so smart.


KOOBA SIENNA LUGGAGE HANDBAG NWT AUTHENTIC!!!
Currently: No bids; starting price $649.99
For girls who want handbags nobody else has ... look elsewhere. But at least when someone else correctly name-checks it, you'll be able to say, "Isn't it great? It's a Sienna NWT authentic!"


Authentic LANVIN Bronze Top £340 VERY SIENNA/KATE
Currently: $127.62
Lanvin is so great. And to think — it's equally Sienna AND Kate. Sienna's marrying Jude Law, Kate's marrying crackhead Pete Doherty. Why can't Jessica Simpson go out with a crackhead? British people are so lucky.


LARGE BALENCIAGA BLACK LE DIX MESSENGER BAG Sienna BN
Currently: $54.74
Have we mentioned we want to get married in Balenciaga? Not the bag. A dress. You know, the thing is, we'll totally cop to being annoyed and jealous and exceptionally aggravated by certain non-deserving pop stars \\ young celebrities — coke-snorting, crash-dieters with tremendously big boobs, we mean, barf. But we just can't muster any resentment for Sienna Miller. Are we going soft? Or is it the fact that she's still off the radar in the U.S? Maybe it's the fact that even if she's marrying Jude Law (who, sorry, just doesn't do it for us), she can still get pushed off a film so Tom Cruise — in yet another awesome display of his heterosexuality — can muscle her out for new promotional girlfriend Katie Holmes.



Boho BOOBTUBE Sz 10-12 Sienna Hippy Peasant Chic BNWT
Currently: $12.94
We can't help it — we like this Hippy Peasant Chic BOOBTUBE. We actually thought it was Missoni on first glance. As the title suggests, you need a decent boob-area to wear it, but we like the slinky \ trashy vibe.


Vintage Guess Leather Shirt Jacket Brown Boho Sienna
Currently: $1.80
Okay, say what you won't — and we certainly don't mean to encourage that unique-to-L.A. hipsters rockabilly look. But this is a whole lot of shirt for $1.80.

Thong of the Morning

It's almost like "song of the morning." We were going to call them "goddess shoes," to go along with the whole Sophia Kokosalaki aesthetic, but that's just too cheesy. But we don't like calling things "thongs." Not underwear, not shoes, not anything. It either sounds like you're lisping, or it sounds like you're talking about underwear. But these aren't flip-flops, or sandals for that matter. They're thongs, so here we go.

Ergo: The first thong in our thong week. Oh, we shudder as we write those words. Michael for Michael Kors — when we see this at Macy's, we seriously run past, because it is so hein. But the original Michael Kors — nice. These are so schmancy, with just enough of a heel to hide our munchkin-ness. Michael Kors Sybil Jeweled Thongs [barf], $330

A Holiday Tidbit Until Our Return Tomorrow

Overheard at the perfume counter of a major metropolitan shopping center:

Girl 1: What do you do think is in that new Britney Spears perfume?

Girl 2: It says here ... (examining promotional materials) Louisiana magnolia, golden anjou pear, and dirty panties.

Girl 1: Really?

Girl 2: Yes. Really. Except I left out the stained-sheets top note.

Britney Spears Curious 3.3 oz. Eau de Parfum, $29.50 at Sephora

Bunnyshop Summer Spectacular: The Beauty Product of the Summer

Summer is all about fun. Nothing could be more fun than Pop Beauty. These things are so freaking cute, we stopped dead in our tracks when we saw them show up at Sephora. And what's even cuter is that Pop Beauty's owner is the model — we love that homegrown approach. So much better than some stupid model. We read a description of a model in Page Six today that said she was "dumb as paint," and we laughed at that. Because we hate beautiful girls. The Eye Cakes — Peaches, $19, above is supposedly for brown eyes but we have green and it was perfectly nice, thank you.


And: "glitter stix"! How much more fun could you buy for $8?


And more glitter. We know, whenever we see glitter on people (read: suburban NJ mallstalkers), we think: "Oh, God, that is so sad." But we still like it. We disdain what we cannot conquer. This is like a fun overdose. Glitter Addict — Rainbow, $28


And Cheeky Pop. Again: fun. Plus we love the graphics so much that we'd just admire the case and its fun little font. As shown in "Sunrise" — "strawberry red & orangey nectar," $18

Bikini of the Morning: If We Were Amber Tamblyn of Joan of Arcadia Fame, and Our Show Just Got Cancelled

We would buy this delightful bikini from Old Navy, since those Joan of Arcadia checks are going to stop showing up in about three months, right? You know, we write that snarky little line, despite the fact that Amber Tamblyn probably made more last year than we'll make in the next decade. Derr. Note God-friendly non-string-bikini bottoms. Striped halter top, $12.50, and striped bikini bottoms, $12.50

The Carrie Underwood Fashion Question Answered!

First of all: Poor fucking Bo Bice.
Next of all: We've gotten an exceptional amount of mail wondering about the origins of the dress Carrie Underwood wore for last night's finale. Apparently the answer is not from a garbage heap, or a tag sale, or Satan's closet: It is, instead, "Marciano." We called Fox up, and their exceptionally efficient rep got back to us in like three minutes and said "Marciano." We said, "Guess Marciano?" This devolved into a sort of who's-on-first fashion scenario, but the answer remains, Marciano. And it's custom-made, so any of you colorblind fans out there who hoped to take it out to the Hamptons, or to the prom, or to the nearest Salvation Army ... God just did you a really big favor.

We're aware that anyone who found Bunnyshop by searching for Carrie's dress only to find us puking over it might not come back. But we beg you: Come back! We're usually so friendly. And we loved this former Carrie outfit.

Bunnyshop Summer Spectacular: The Sunglasses of the Summer

Until very recently, we had consigned aviator frames to the dusty parts of our closet, along with the guitar we got for Christmas one year and, oh, a full drum kit. They just seemed so unavoidably Top Gun. Not in the ironically pleasing, I Love the ’80s way, but in the male erotica-locker room way — aviator-frame sunglasses simply seemed to have nothing to do with a heterosexual female. But oh, we like to evolve. We regularly wash our faces now, and occasionally eat vegetables. Things are moving in the right direction, and to that evolution we would like to add aviator frames.

This Coach version is absolutely the version worn by this psychotic rich girl we observed on a recent flight. And we must say, as much as we loathed her — and we did! loathed! — we liked her style. Oh, what a thin line between love and hate. Coach Lafayette sunglasses, $148


Speaking of love-hate relationships, we can't decide where we stand on transparent glasses. Sometimes it annoys us: "I'm wearing sunglasses ostensibly to cover my eyes, and yet they are not in any meaningful way covered." Other times, we think it's more like, "I'm such a badass I don't even need to disguise the fact that I'm checking you out." We will go with the second philosophy for these YSL plastic aviators, $195


These featured prominently in last week's Cutler and Gross story — sorry to get into summer repeats early, but they're just so cute we had to mention. Model 0702, about $350


As annoying as we find the WASP love affair that is the Kate Spade marketing effort — and we find it so annoying — we actually quite like their sunglasses, which never feel as totally obvious and easy as the bags. Boring bags. But great sunglasses. Kate Spade Posey aviators, $160


This is our question: Do these look like they cost 50% of the Kate Spades above? No? Right. Well, they're 10% of the Kate Spades above. All we know is that we're going to be senior citizens one day, and we're still going to be shopping at Urban Outfitters. Metal rimmed aviator, $14(!)

Bikini of the Morning: If We Were Going to Star in a Film With E.R's Goran Visjnic

...and it required our first scene to feature us at some sort of beach or pool, and we had been given sufficient funds to purchase an amazing boob job, this is the bikini we would wear: The Loop Terry Bra from American Apparel, reliably porn-tastic since 1998.

Bunnyshop Summer Spectacular: The Housewares of the Summer

We love our apartment. We love our apartment so much that we are praying our landlord didn't mind too much that we just mailed our May rent check yesterday. (We are irresponsible, but so well-intentionedly irresponsible! And we keep the kitchen in such pristine condition, given the fact that we've never once used anything in it except the microwave and the drawer where we keep the take-out menus!) Anyway, we were perusing the debut Domino today, which we are going to give an A+. because we can't think of a reason to give them an A- and an A just seems petulant. The most affecting feature [and we are so ashamed we are not completing this thought with "was about the condition of female prisoners" or "concerning Colombian orphans of the drug wars"] was about how bare apartments can look post-collegiately. [Note continuing, but diminishing, sense of shame.] And as with our student loan payments, we are well over the grace period.

And believe us, we know that a column on housewares at Anthopologie is about as fresh and unexpected as Shop Etc.'s story about the Hot Shop that is Old Navy. But they couldn't help themselves, and neither can we, because we love them so much, and we want to spend all our money that is not going to our landlord (several weeks late, we love you, landlord) on sofas and other things we thought could be replaced by egg crates, cardboard boxes, and stacks of newspapers.

This is our dream sofa. That is all we can say. Except perhaps for the fact that this sofa is the color of the sea, and we like the sea. The Amelie sofa, $2598


Seriously, we would be terrible drug dealers, or car thieves. A beer, for example, makes us fall asleep. But we would almost attempt a career as a criminal mastermind if it meant we'd be able to afford this "bird-cut armoire," $1898


Once we made an exceptionally exciting discovery, and that was paper plates. Paper fucking plates. Paper plates, and you never have to wash a dish again. We told our friend Katie about this discovery, and were all, "Could there ever be an argument against paper platers?" And she was like, "Er, trees?" And she almost shamed us out of them. However, if we had these plates, we'd convert. Wallpaper salad plates, $40 for a set of four


Shower curtains. At one point, we'd convinced ourselves that shower curtains were not a necessity. We have been wrong about many things, but this one ... we were really wrong about this one. Damask shower curtain, $68


We love this mirror. We have no mirrors. We check our appearance in the mirror in our building hallway. The building we are going to get kicked out of unless we reform our check-mailing ways. By the way, our high-connected sister almost rescued us with a total hook-up to be on Trading Spaces, but apparently you need to own your own place to be eligible to be on it. Which means we will never be eligible to be on it. However, this mirror could fix some smaller problems. Brooks Mirror, $128


Jewelry boxes. Shockingly easy solution to decade-long tic of leaving our only nice earrings in middle of floor, because who could lose something that was right in the middle of their floor? Tragically, we can. Japonism jewel box, $48

Bikini of the Morning: If We Were a Lostaway

We know, we're pretty obsessed with the show — though we would like to add that if the season finale sucks, we are leaving you forever, Lost. If we were so obsessed as to pretend that we were on a doomed airliner and stranded on a desert island with, say, TV boyfriend Kiefer Sutherland [or past TVBF Matthew Fox] this is the bikini we would wear. Paisley. Is it too much of a psychotic break to actually purchase the bikini that plays such a role in our desert-island scenario? Er, maybe. But we still like it. Bohemian-paisley wide-band halter top and bottom from J. Crew, $74

Bunnyshop Summer Spectacular: Belt of the Summer

You may remember Presh from our earlier posting, about her necklaces — which we love, and which we would wear all the time if we hadn't spent all our money on sandwiches and American Apparel porn-shorts. Our first Presh love has always been the belts; we just couldn't figure out where you could buy them outside of this one store in the middle of nowhere where no one spoke any of the languages we speak (er, English.) But then we heard from an exceptionally lovely store owner in Stinson Beach, California, which was one of our favorite places on earth until we took our sister and our mother there, and we all had the type of big, blow-out fight that five years later, everyone's still like, "Remember that crap trip to Marin County?" And the other person says something like, "Yeah, when you were a total bitch?" And then there are two people on the floor of the kitchen smacking each other's heads against the dishwasher.

Anyway, we will not let that disturbance prevent us from admiring these gorgeous belts, or Cricket's at the Beach, which we certainly intend to visit the next time we are anywhere nearby, possibly, but not definitely, with members of our family. Do you love these belts as much as we do? Then visit Cricket's, and we are sure she will do you right. All belts, $110


Now we will say that last night's episode of 24 was quite good. Kiefer Sutherland is totally our TV boyfriend.


This is what happens when we love something: How could we possibly describe this belt in a non-vacuous manner?


Belts ahoy!: This hot Presh belt is the awesomest accessory of the summer!!


Okay, we could have come up with a better pun for "belt." And tragically our "satire," immediately above, reads uncomfortably close to our originally text, all the way at the top. Sigh. We cannot escape what we are.

Bikini of the Morning: The American Idol Bikini

If we were Bo Bice's girlfriend, we would work at the mall, maybe at the Sunglass Hut, and at nights, we'd drive our dad's truck over to Bo's house, and we'd do cannonballs into his pool while he barbecued some hamburgers and corn on the cob. We would say, "Sing us some Lynyrd Skynyrd, you sexy Bo Bice," and then we'd make him repeat "Freebird" until we fell asleep outside, under the stars. And this is the bikini we would wear: Vix sequin swim top from Saks, $82


However, if we were Carrie Underwood, and we were about to lose the American Idol final to some shaggy stoner, we would (a) be pretty pissed and (b) want to move immediately to Nashville, where we will be acclaimed as the next Shania Twain. (Yay!) And we would come up with a stage show that involved us leaping out of a cake with Simon Cowell's face painted on it in food coloring, and then we would kick and dance our way across the stage. In this bikini. With sequins. Because we love sequins. And this black fringe "Casino Bikini," $89

The Bunnyshop Summer Spectacular!

Hello, and welcome to the Bunnyshop summer spectacular. Summer is spectacular, fireworks are spectacular, a lack of socks is spectacular, people doing kegstands on rooftops and not tumbling to their death are spectacular. The whole thing: spectacular. This $199 Jill Stuart bikini from Satine? Exceptionally spectacular. Like that Desperate Housewives photo shoot, without the bickering and Eva Longoria repeating herself ad nauseum. We will have a new bikini every day, as part of our summer spectacular, in addition to our to our regular coverage.

Now, we will ask you the question we have been asking ourselves all weekend: Which magazine coverline is the most unintentionally hysterical: Inside TV's declaration of the reignition of the "spark" in the Simpson-Lachey marriage, or InStyle's "Single in the City" Katie Holmes cover? Follow-up: Does InStyle know something we don't know?

P.S.: It's not too late to vote in our Celebrity Marriage Death Pool: Simpson Edition. There is an actual prize! It is: the winner's choice of the JS-endorsed "Treats Deliciously Kissable Plumping Lip Candy." Vote early and often!

Sale of the Weekend: Mini-Extranganza Pants Review

Tonight we did something we have not done for oh, possibly ten years, and that was eat dinner in a restaurant where jeans were not permitted. And all we had in our closet were these ridiculous skirts, like a magenta silk skirt that gets huge dark patches on it if, say, you make the mistake of wearing it in a bar without air-conditioning on a July afternoon. Pants. Clearly the answer is pants.

These white pants might be enough to break us out of our Joss Stone white-jeans nightmare. These are way better cut than anything we suffered through at the Gap. Juicy Couture twill trousers from shopbop.com, $125 down to $87.50


Theory makes the best pants. This was actually one of the subjects of conversation at dinner, how Theory makes the best pants, along with our ideas on various economic policies, rising interest rates, why we just can't make ourselves care about The O.C. finale, etc. Farrel cropped linen pants from Blaec, $210 down to $175


Green pants. It's like buying the leather jacket in cream instead of black — kind of ridiculous, almost instantly regrettable ... but still, you're pretty psyched that you got the crazy green pants \\ cream leather jacket. Theory Lowell capri from Blaec, $200 down to $150


That's the genius thing, that we'll buy one of these pairs of pants regardless of fact that none of them are even fancy enough to wear at a restaurant where jeans are not permitted, which is our central shopping problem: Say we need a black t-shirt. We'll go out and buy a white t-shirt. In this case, we'll buy these totally inappropriate, weekend pants, wear them to the restaurant with Havaianas, and wish we were at KFC with a Diet Dr. Pepper and two chicken legs. Juicy Couture piped capris, $134 down to $40.20

Current Obsession: Pamela Barsky

Pins. We can't get enough of them. We can't explain why, just like we couldn't explain the motivation behind our sudden interest in collecting patches a few years ago. Someday, we're going to find out about some crazy, pin-collecting, patch-sewing hippie loser who died a few moments before we were born, and we will know we are that person's reincarnation.

That said, we are quite excited about our burgeoning pin collection, and in particular the vintage scarf one by Pamela Barsky. All adorable! All unique! Little style tidbits for $1 a piece.


We also love these dog tags, which we thought were clever key chains. We're pretty sure they could be repurposed in either direction. Actually, it's kind of funny to apply all these dog charms ("Bitch," "Born to Run," etc) to humans. Right? $10


These vintage scarf pins are great too. See, when things are cool, we have so little to say. We have more to say about the way Michael Chiklis steps all over his fellow commentators on The Shield DVDs. Have you seen The Shield? It's really good. We hope he's a good guy. But we hate it when tough cop-types turn out to be all actor-y and "I'm very serious about my work" blah blah. We're always like, just go bust some heads! The heads of criminals who deserve it, of course. $8

Anyway: Pamela Barsky. We love her stuff, and we plan on buying more of it. We knew we would love her as soon as we read in her blog about how she cried at the end of The Amazing Race, which is better than us screaming and threatening to turn off the television if Rob and Amber won. Blogs! Pins! What's not to love?

Site of the Week: Cutler and Gross

Okay, so apparently Cutler and Gross is a super famous sunglass-maker, and we had no idea. We e-mailed them telling them we were about to do a write-up on them, and never heard back, and we were thinking that that was quite confident and unhelpful for some brand we'd never heard of before. We've since been informed that they are quite famous, something like the London sunglass equivalent of Courreges or something. So we're the idiots.

Note about the sunglasses above. We were recently waiting for a flight, and there were only a few people waiting with us. This meant that this very fashion-y girl on our flight, who was shouting into her cell phone, was quite easy to hear. She was wearing a kukui nut necklace — not the $6.99 ones from ABC but the identical $125 version from Saks — and these extremely excellent sunglasses. We were torn between asking her where they were from and stuffing our passport in her mouth until she choked. Is that violent imagery? Sorry, people, but she really sucked. Her sunglasses, very much like this Cutler and Gross model, were excellent. About $350


These are the Jackie O. sunglasses we've dreamt of. That is all. About $350


And see, these are the sunglasses we should be wearing instead of Jackie O. sunglasses. Like anyone else with a remotely round face, the Jackie O. glasses above make us look like a tomato head. But these add a couple angles to the face-mix. We're also pretty sure we can justify the $300 pricetag by telling ourselves that cutting down the sunshine will prevent the eventual Botox subscription issue.


These are the perfect aviator frames. Important to note: They also come in blue, brown, green, and white, in addition to the gold shown. Variety, life spice, etc. $350


These are one of the few pairs we could find for sale in the U.S., which of course means that they're a fraction (in this case, the fraction is about 2/3) of the price you'd pay in the U.K. Love that international financial policy, people. Our friends at Satine describe them as being "Audrey-style." Breakfast at Tiffany's, our favorite style icon film about the morally questionable. But so nice with a black dress and some pearls and George Peppard on our arm. $275

Designer of the Week: Cath Kidston

When we finally buy our English country cottage, we will outfit it entirely in Cath Kidston. Of course, the classic English cottage comes after our Brooklyn loft and Mexican hacienda castle, so it could be, oh, at least 18 months until we put that deal together. But some day, mark our words. We won't even have a pool, just a many-acre property that abuts a river where our friends can punt or kayak or something else appropriately English on the three days a year it is not cold, rainy, and damp.

In the meantime, we'll forcus our attentions on her delightful oil cloth bags. You know what's so great about oil cloth bags? Being made of oil cloth, they tend not to absorb potentially stain-ful semi-liquids like Tostitos salsa con queso, which is really more of a queso con salsa. But who's counting. And you don't need a cottage to enjoy them. Our favorites: red flowers, pink with dots, cowboys, and "white classic rose." $38.40



We love vintage style, and we love books. Especially considering the fact that vintage style is so expensive, and this book about vintage style costs only $11.16, we're going to go with the book today, and the vintage Perspex Chanel bracelets after we pay off our student loan.


This straw bag is so ridiculously East Hampton style, we'll bet money we'll see it all over the Montauk trains from Memorial Day to Labor Day. Usually, this would be a sure sign of our hatred, but we'll make an exception for the bag, which never hurt anybody and won't ever date an obnoxious investment banker with an attitude control problem and a coke addiction. $44


Oh, duvet covers. See, we eat Oreos in bed occasionally, and it's so much better to get the Oreos on the duvet cover rather than the duvet. This one is so cute with the embroidered flowers that we might not even eat on it. Strangely enough, this is available only on the UK site, for about $100


Love, love, love this "boxfile." Not even sure what we would put in it — perhaps our Con Ed bills! Yes! It's so adorable we wouldn't even mind if it sat empty on our shelf. $65

The Shopping Weekend in Review: Manhattan's Mall of America

To be clear, we have absolutely no intention of participating in this film's $23 million first-place weekend box-office tally, as we would rather use those 90 minutes rinsing off the Frisbee our dog likes to pee in. We will admit, though, that we read the review of it in the New York Times, if for nothing but the schadenfreude, and our only reaction was: Headband? That's kind of a nice headband. Where would one get a headband like that?


Unbelievably, we would find our answer within three [waking] hours of asking that question. At Anthropolgie, where usually the questions answered are "How much could the most expensive pair of cotton cargo pants possibly cost?" or "Has anyone seen a $9,800 zinc baker's table from Provence?" But today, we answered the question of, "Even if I find Jennifer Lopzez personally repellant, seeing as how she wasted the legitimate talent in Out of Sight to star in bizarre Emmy skits with her weird husband, where could I find a headband a little bit like the one she wears in that movie?" The answer: Anthro. With their $58 silk scarf. Perfect for pretending we are telenovela star or married to a freakish Latino pop star or stalking Jennifer Garner.

This triumph began our stroll through the Mall of America, which is the proper name for the stretch of Fifth Avenue between 20th Street and 14th Street in Manhattan and which is where all the daughters of suburbia go to shop when they get a little homesick for non-Manhattan parts of the world. Our problem, yesterday, was that we went to bed at 4 a.m. and woke up at 10 a.m. and pretty much got dressed with our eyes closed. Then we realized we were in Manhattan and looked like an idiot, except for our new silk scarf. This meant we would have to buy ourselves some new clothes.


We knew we bagged on the Gap a lot last week, but then we bought two ribbed tanks for $20 (reg: $16.50 each) and now we're the Gap's bitch again. Too bad they can't do anything but basics.

Then we went to J. Crew, and it was like our total suburban mall dream. They are really just a little bit more expensive than the Gap and seriously, maybe it mines a certain Holy Cross-golf team vibe, but let's face it, we spent today staring out our window and going to the stoop sales that were between our apartment and the place where we return our overdue videos. It's not like we're doing anything so fabulous on weekend afternoons. J. Crew is fine. Are we being defensive? It's fine. Sigh.


These three-inch-high gold sandals are so excellent without being so high that we'd constnatly have that fear of tumbling down the stairs to our death. $150


Now this navy caftan is a little more boho and a little less elegant than, say, the T-Bag tunics we love from Scoop, but we'd wear this cashmere one more — it feels a little more substantial, and a little less like a spring shower is going to provide an insta-wet-tunic-contest. $178


See this sweater? It's summer-weight cashmere. Now imagine it in brown, and not that horrible pink. Isn't it great? $148


Then we wandered into Banana Republic, where we found these terrible Pucci-lite bikinis. Argh. Tankini $42, "hipster" $38


And this: We don't have any words for this. --------. Piece of ------. $78

Semi-Breaking News: Stella McCartney Joins the H&M All-Stars

Stella takes over for Karl again — first at Chloe, now at H&M. Hot pants, gladiator shoes, unresolved hatred of same-age stepmother ... should be a fascinating November at H&M.

Sale of the Weekend: Black Cashmere Sweater from Juicy

Okay, we freaking hate Juicy Couture. But:

1: The co-designer, Gela Taylor, is married to John Taylor from Duran Duran. How the fuck is this possible? This is proof of an ultimate design to the universe, or alien impregnation of Earth. This is like when we found out that Julian McMahon — who plays sex freak Christian on Nip / Tuck — is the son of the former prime minister of Australia.

2. You can never have too many black, ribbed, t-shirt cut cashmere sweaters, and this one is delightful — and ... er, 60% off? $198 down to $59.40? Is that 60%? Whatever. See, this is our disability — so often, we'd say, "Ah, who needs a utilitarian black sweater when we could get a gold spangle halter top?" And then we would basically wear the halter top in the space from the bathroom to the door and then back to the closet, where we would deposit it. And change into our utilitarian black sweater. This is the first sale posting we actually got all nervous and paranoid about, and almost didn't put up because we want to keep it to ourselves.

Current Obsession: Sukie Journals

Like every other Tori Amos \\ Bright Eyes eterna-fan, we're addicted to journals — even if we completely forget about them after three weeks of diligent entry-making. They're still endlessly promising. And the best part about Sukie journals, besides the totally retro covers, are all the little hidden extras: the glacine envelopes, the stickers, the line drawings. We love them. That is all. Sukie photo album, $12


We don't have much to say about this travel book, because its greatness speaks for itself, so we'll just say that it is unreserved truth that any Hollywood movie about treasure-hunting that appears to end with the discovery of a metaphorical treasure will, without a doubt, ultimately end with the discovery of a literal treasure. $18


And how beautiful is this? It is so beautiful, the opposite of that commercial about brushing your teeth or something where the girl's like "then there was all this pink in the sink." Everytime we see that commercial, we want to run into the bathroom and puke in the toilet. We hate to be graphic, but that's how much we hate that commercial. Sukie deluxe notebook, only $10!

The American Idol Fashion Tip: Carrie Underwood's Embellished Tunic

Nevermind that the most exciting moment on reality television last night was the triumph of Joyce and Uchenna over wedding shills Rob and Amber on The Amazing Race: We were so taken with Carrie Underwood's embellished black tunic on AI that we've postponed today's scheduled column on hand soaps (so much more exciting than it sounds.) So there aren't any screen grabs available — this is from her first outfit \\ song, "Sin Wagon" by the Dixie Chicks — but if you're curious we're sure they'll show if off in all the pre-results recapping, and we'll call Fox to see who it was. But in the meantime, these are our favorite tunics. This is not an endorsement of Carrie Underwood. Go, Bo Bice! Go, Uchenna and Joyce! That is so fucked up that that almost rhymes.

Above, that's actually the closest to the Carrie Underwood version, though we like how that one was a little bit sparklier — sequins or something. This is a little bit calmer and a little bit more appropriate for public spaces that are not used for performing alongside Ryan Seacrest. And we like the wear-it-with-jeans length. By T-Bags for Scoop, $175


This Free People is exactly like the ones you can find in vintage stores, but without the raspberry jam stains, bleach yellowing, and 25 years of sweat stains. Exactly like but much nicer, in other words. Love the three-quarter sleeves. $58


It's so tragically impossible to see how great this extremely pale sea-green Chloe tunic is — tragic in the forgot-to-tape-Survivor way, not in the mass death way. But disappointing all the same. $660


We can understand people being like, "Ugh, that is the ugliest fucking thing," but we can't help it, we totally like it. We're into the brown, pink and cream combo, and we love the side vents and the deep yet narrow v-neck. So sue us. Tory by TRB, $385


This Elie Tahari is like the Platonic ideal of tunic tops, with just enough embellishment to, you know, earn the embellishment title, but not enough to be really eye-catching. There's something a little vanilla and expected about it, which sounds like a negative but really just means that we'd end up wearing it about 1000 times more often than the edgier stuff in our closer. Er, on the floor of our closet. $268


Again, love the length and the jeans combo. This is what that terrible What Not to Wear woman told us we had to wear every day, so the world's collective psyche would never be scarred by the visual fact of our knees. Bitches! Taylor tunic dress from Blaec, $240

How Joss Stone Ruined Our Afternoon: An Excursion to the Gap

Now, we believe in the Gap, like we believe in baseball, apple pie, and the Fourth of July. We know what "GAP ACT" stands for (greet, approach, production information, accessorize, close the sale, thank the customer) because we did, indeed, work at the Gap for three years in high school and college. As a nation, we need the Gap: We need $12 tank tops. We need Long and Lean jeans for less than $40. And we need "sweat walls."

Unfortunately, though, we always find ourselves circling the Gap like a high school crush at our 10-year reunion. Warily, suspiciously, but with no small amount of hope: Things could turn around at any moment, and we want to be there when it happens. And that terrible Joss Stone was the final nail in the metaphorical coffin: Never before had we said to ourselves, "White jeans! Now there's an idea," until she put that idea in our head. This is the power of advertising.


So off to the Gap we went. First, we tried on the twill cotton pants. These are pretty horrifying. These are what we'd wear if we wanted to dress up like a really unhappy housewife. $39.50


But we still believed in this whole white-jean thing. So next we tried on the notch waist cropped pants, which had some kind of crazy stretch in them. These are what we'd wear if the Halloween theme was crazy white stretch pants, like an '80s aerobics instructor, but not the cool pipe-welding kind. $49.50


Exhausting our patience with the entire white-jean issue and beginning to be very annoyed with Joss Stone, we perused the accessories department, since they're Emma Hill-designed, and she's so clever. But this studded bag was like total Jocasi redux, but crap. Just buy the Jocasi original, which is genius and practically our favorite brand of the year. Do not buy the crap Gap revision. $34.50


This is a picture of the Jocasi original, which is like 1000 times better. Click on "Indie Studded," sorry we can't link straight there but there's some weird frames issues.


And these are kind of cool, but (a) they look like something we could make ourselves with a sufficient amount of paste jewels and a hot-glue gun, and (b) they look super chintzy with the [paltry] arrangement of "jewels." It look like they ran out of (a) budget or (b) effort. $29.50

Oh, Gap. We'll be back, but really, hustle, people.

Spotted: The Global Fashion Test

The debut of a new Bunnyshop column! Send us your pictures of the world's most interesting [cough] dressers, for our fun and amusement, and we'll send you a prize.

Photo courtesy of: Our spy
Location: Rue de Baci, Paris
When: Monday, April 25, 2005, 4:42 p.m.
Vibe: Never understood the phrase "too much of a good thing"
What she was thinking:: "I like gold-dusted corn flakes, I like Havaianas with Swarovski crystals on them, I like Hermes umbrellas, I like stuffed teddy bears, but only when they're stuffed with foie gras! Ha! What I like are the most boring possible things with the most possible cachet: See my Prada purse? I'm cool! See my Dolce and Gabbana belt? Are you sure? Cause that's why I bought the really big silver logo belt, to make sure everyone could see it, because I'm totally Dolce and Gabbana. I'm cool! And see my giant Louis Vuitton bag! I'm cool! I'm rich! Wheee! Too bad I'm so boring that I have to wear jeans and black sweaters with a black belt and black shoes. See, even though I have all this cash, I don't have much of an imagination. Really, it's quite sad. Now I'm going to go home and having boring sex with my boring, rich boyfriend so he can lend me his credit card and I can go buy some more black sweaters and maybe a trench coat or a gypsy skirt, I heard they're totally cool. Wheee!"

Sale of the Weekend: Extended Version

There were just too many things to pick from the Scoop outlet, so we decided to highlight them all. This is despite the fact that the Scoop salesgirls are so mean to us whenever we go into the store. They, however, are nowhere near as bad as the sales staff at a store called Butter on Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn, which, sadly, stocks some very good stuff. The sad part is that as soon as we lay our apparently muddy paws on something, someone always says, with absolutely no provocation: "We have that in bigger sizes." How on earth is this a positive sales technique? Has anyone, ever, responded well to this question? We thought it was just a one-off but no, this is a strategy. Apparently to make their cusomters feel fat. Seriously. This is the sales strategy they're going with?

Anyway, anyway, we digress. Back to Scoop, and their great new outlet site.

That is the sexiest Stella McCartney ever. We don't know why, but we hope she is so mean to her teenage stepmom. We think this is because we always thought Linda McCartney was so cool. Anyway, this is another one of those dresses that we'd wear if we were an extra on CSI: Miami. It looks a little uni-skin there, but with a tan [or chemical equivalent], it'd be great. $760, marked down to $309


Velvet! Taffeta! Miu Miu! This tank is so exquisite, but in a crafty way, so only girls would know how great it was. Boys, though, will be like, "Dude, the Sixers suck." Whatever. $695, marked down to $299


This is the Michael Kors shirt we'll wear to that bar in Amagansett where are the annoying investment bankers hang out, because it will say: I am too cool for you to talk to me. Also, I obviously don't need you, because my shirt is so freaking expensive, so I will date artists. $1750, marked down to $799


This Marc by Marc Jacobs skirts is for those days when we feel like channeling a little Secretary-era Maggie Gyllenhaal. $298, marked down to $149

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

You know what we hate? Not those "One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor" t-shirts. We hate their variant, the "One Vodka, Two Vodka, Three Vodka, Dead" t-shirts. What? There's no rhyme there, no play on words. There's nothing remotely entertaining about those shirts. We get a little headache each time we pass them.

Which is just to say that we are quite pleased that today is Cinco de Mayo and not ... whichever national holiday Russia may one day choose to export to the United States, thus providing fraternity boys with yet another opportunity to get wasted on a weekday. Ergo, our four-step consumer's guide to making the most of St. Patrick's Day. With tequila.

1. Add decorative Loteria bracelet, courtesy of design boutique Seventy Seven. $20


2. String decorative Frida Kahlo papel picado banners around apartment for festive interiors touch. "Papel picado," we learned, means "punched paper." Who says blogging isn't educational?


3. Regard self in new tin Mexican mirror, smile approvingly at lack of ownership of any rhyming liquor t-shirts. $99 - $159

4. Now mix sufficient amounts of tequila, rum, orange juice, and brown sugar. We've heard this called an "Acapulco at Night," though that is really too cheesy to believe. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, more, perhaps. What would be really funny would be "One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Whore," so semi-ironic girls gone wild types can buy them at Senor Frog's. Seriously, we're making those t-shirts. E-mail for info.

Something We Learned From Reading British Vogue This Weekend

Buy Elizabeth Hurley Beachwear, and your son will masturbate to you. Seriously. Art: Elizabeth Hurley is all splayed out on the sand, mussed hair, dark eyes, pale lips. Text: "Elizabeth Hurley's Beachwear. As seen in Harrods, St. Tropez and on your son's bedroom wall." Translation: Wear Elizabeth Hurley beachwear, and you will be wearing the kind of beachwear typically found on the models covering your son's walls. Reality check: How many 12-year-old boys have Elizabeth Hurley on their walls? If they're British, Jordan. If they're American ... actually, we just can't complete that thought. Toxic-era Britney Spears? Pam Anderson? Lindsay Lohan? But not, really not, Elizabeth Hurley. Exclusively at tHarrod's.

Current Obsession: Presh

The problem here is that we weren't obsessed with Presh necklaces: We were obsessed with Presh belts. But we can't find the belts anywhere online and the necklaces, which we are pretty sure are made by the same person, are just as good, and prettier, and besides, we always end up losing our belts. But still, Presh, if you're out there, tell us where we can buy your belts — they're lovely, much like the necklaces here, with decorative fabric under glass, but bigger and better.

Above, our favorite of all. The more we think about these necklaces, the less we have to say about them, kind of like that Ani DiFranco song where she's all, "I like you so much, I talk to everyone but you." This one is $365, $1 for every day of the year we'd enjoy it. Er, if we only kept it for a year and then gave it away, which of course we would never do.


We really can't say how much we love this. This may be the necklace we've dreamt of. $390


Part of what makes this one so cool is that it only costs $120, compared to $300+ for the other ones we like so much.

Back to Basics: Solving Our Missing T-Shirt Issue

We were looking around this morning for a t-shirt to wear when we realized we had none. Where had they gone? Wedged beneath some hotel bedframe, along with our missing bank card? There is a man at the dry cleaner's who does our laundry for $3.50, and he is like a t-shirt fairy: Sometimes he wants you to go home with somebody else's t-shirt, and sometimes he wants them to go home with yours. We had one t-shirt, a Realitee, that we dropped in a puddle of nasty, slushy city water and dog pee, retrieved, and then pinned between our window and our windowsill, so it hung like one of those rainbow peace banners, because we just couldn't deal with it. And it stayed there for almost three weeks. When we finally remembered we'd left it there, we pulled it back in, frozen. (Did we mention this happened in February?)

Ergo, our need for new t-shirts. Talking t-shirts, preferably; t-shirts with little sayings on them, or punned state mottoes, or bands which would be impossible to reunite because several of their members have died, or retoxed. Sure, you could buy them cheaper vintage — and while many of our favorite things are vintage, t-shirts are not among them. We're going to buy the lot of them and call it a summer.

This is absolutely a true story: On the morning of September 11, two friends were walking with us to the bar, at noon, since the hospitals didn't need us and no one had any idea where else to go. So anyway, we're walking down Fifth Avenue in Park Slope, and this guy on a bike behind us, talking into a headset, says, "Man, I am telling you, I'm going home and I am pulling out all my shit and anybody who tries to fuck with me is going to get a bullet in the ass." Defend Brooklyn, indeed. $24


This shirt would perfect if it were about the Brooklyn Cyclone(s) (baseball team or rollercoaster version), but few things are perfect. This is a Realitee and could possibly replace the one we froze to death. $17


Brunette is the New Blond: That's like saying smart is the new stupid. Not that blonds are stupid, simply that in the parlance of cultural convention ... oh, forget it. Brunettes totally rule! $24.50


Why read the book when you can repudiate it in t-shirt form? $60


We're not entirely sure what Crunk is but if it's good enough for 50 Cent, it's good enough for us. By the way, the Chuck Klosterman interview with 50 in the May Spin — where 50 acknowledges that some kids actually think he is inviting a woman to enjoy his lollipop, the actual sugar treat — is more than worth the price of the issue. $24


Cozumel! We've never been there, but we'd sure like to go. Usually we hate people who wear t-shirts bearing the names of places they've never gone as much as people wearing Abercrombie — but in this case, the two cancel out. $24.50


We're way too much of a pussy to join the army, but we can still wear the t-shirt. Does that make us military posers? Have we discussed how desperately we want to marry a man in uniform, but only so he can get married in his uniform, and have one of those ceremonies where all the guys bring their Marine Corps swords? $18


Blondie. Better them then the Rolling Stones, in any case.


And though generally we hate ironic-but-not t-shirts — anyone wearing this prolly is very happy to be a social climber — it's still a little funny and Bluefly's donating the profits to a children's hospital ... so there you go. $25